Someone asked me at Church on Sunday how I was doing... this person couldn't believe all the things I was having to do this year... after a few seconds that sinking feeling came washing over me again, that "if you're still afloat, you're amazing" and the tears sprang into my eyes. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, in fact I think it was supposed to be encouraging, but I left feeling defeated again.

Sometimes one class will do a little thing and I'll walk away, not recognizing the kindling that is being stacked. The next class will set the spark, and the following class watches as the fire ignites in me. Not that I'm saying I'm entitled... but I have a title, it's Teacher, and everyday I feel less and less respected, and more and more irritated.

Maybe I'll never understand the students who just don't do their work. Maybe I'll never understand what it's like to just not care about school. Maybe they just don't understand until later. Maybe there is just too much for me to do as a first year teacher, teaching a subject I took one class on in college, with 6 different subjects to teach and advising Student Council on top. Maybe I'm frustrated and tired from the overwhelming desire to plan a wedding or scratch that, just get on a plane and get married on a beach. And yes, I know they are teenagers, who only think about the present...

But I am the teacher.

They are the students.

It makes me angry in the very pit of my stomach.

Psalm 123

A Prayer for Mercy

A song for going up to worship.

Lord, I look upward to You,

You who live in Heaven.

Slaves depend on their masters,

and a female servant depends on her mistress.

In the same way, we depend on the Lord our God;

we wait on Him to show us mercy.

Have mercy on us, Lord. Have mercy on us,

because we have been insulted.

We have suffered many insults from lazy people

and much cruelty from the proud.