I'm sitting at the kitchen table laughing - um, because I'm pretty sure that I'd be crying if I weren't laughing - not that I know what I'd be crying about though, it's just been one of those weeks. . . there's a lighter and a couple iPods on the table. it's covered in pictures - I've been attempting the scrapbook. there's a couple beer bottles - which I'm assuming are Jason's, but Bethany's surprised me before. I'm drinking a Mikes - really only because I can, it tastes disgusting because I'm also eating chocolate covered coffee beans, sorry Beth, I probably won't sleep tonight =) again.

It's been a long week, a very very very long week. Monday was awkward - incredibly awkward - so I've decided to just stop talking to people and pick up running again. Tuesday was long, day one of Open House. I got to talk to Alicat on the phone - she was sitting in the sunny quad and I was jealous! But I fell in love with the people at my job. Wednesday my heart broke all over again - we watched our camp video - an hour of laughter and good memories - and Sarah leaning over and whispering "are you sure you're gonna leave?" I just smiled at her through my tears. Thursday topped it off. My 14 hour day included being cussed out by an employee, firing him, and being called names that, well, names that made me cry. But my team really pulled together today - and there was nothing but praise that came from the whole day that we called our Open House. And there was lunch with Frank, and Grey's with Bethany, and sleepless nights with Nellie, and a good note from Dane.

Maybe it isn't just that it's been a long week. Maybe it's that it's been raining a lot. Maybe it's that Kiersten isn't coming, instead Rachel is and she's taking Bethany back with her. Maybe it's that I haven't slept in my own bed for two weeks. Maybe it's that the leaves are already turning yellow. Maybe it's that there's already termination dust on the mountains. Maybe it's that God's tapping away at the wall I've built, the one that makes me hesitate and sway back and forth. I don't know. But that's ok, because I don't know a lot of things.