Tuesday, March 13, 2007

There are only 19 days of classes left.
This means that in a few short weeks- let me emphasize FEW- I will be forced to leave this place.

I'm ok when I don't think about it.
Shit- I'm thinking about it.
I'm not ok.

I wouldn't care how much rent was, or if they turned off our heat, or power, or water... Just as long as I could live in this apartment for the rest of my life.

We started spring cleaning yesterday. We rearranged our living room today. This apartment is home. It always will be. I wish there were a way to put it in my pocket and carry it around with me forever. Or put this campus in a snow globe... now there's a thought!

I woke up last night and Bethany was gone. Scared is the only way I can describe how I felt.

I wish I knew how to explain how I feel right now. I'm genuinely happy- things right now are great; amazing friends, lots of laughter, meaningful conversations, life-changing moments... and then I remember that we'll all go our separate ways in a few weeks.

If today was our last day together- what would we do?
Seize the Day.
Don't second guess yourself- take the leap.
I'm ready- maybe only because I've realized that I'll never actually be ready- so bring it on.

I say "YES!" to life.
Because in the end, I'd rather be broken and battered and tear stained from the adventure.

I would rather
clutch my invitation
and wait my turn in party clothes
prim and proper
safe and clean.

But a pulsing hand keeps driving me
over peaks, ravines,
and spidered brambles...

So I will pant up to the pearled knocker
and full of tales.

-Janet Chester Bly

1 comment:

me said...

amen sister-friend.
i don't mean to leave you alone at night.
i don't know how to sleep anymore..and if i did...i'd never leave your side.

i'm not going to haines.
i decided that tonight watching you and kiersten in the living room.

i can't do it.
not even a little.

and that applies to the bigger picture here too. i'm glad you're on my side.