Sunday, November 09, 2008

"Don't be so hard on yourself..."
"That's the thing...I'm the oldest and in grad school, I need to start being responsible."

It's almost two on Sunday afternoon and what have I accomplished this weekend? Nothing school related! oh wait, I made my to-do-list... It's my last week of classes, we start full-time teaching next week, and I'm overwhelmed with what I have to get done.

I'm in a funk. I'm not the person I want to be, but I don't know how to be that person at this point. I can't help looking back at what seemed like such a small decision and how the choice Whitney and I made drastically changed our lives.

I only have two weeks left with my students. I'm so sad. I get so attached to the people in my life. I kinda want to write them all little notes to give to them on our last day together - but that's over 150 personal notes to write - and that is overwhelming. But that's me, that's what I do, that's how I think and feel, and when I think about saying bye, I feel my throat tighten and I cannot breath.

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning. -Louis L'Amour


Whitney said...

I know exactly what you mean. I mean, I know we are at different places in our lives, but I know exactly what you mean. But honestly, do you know many people who are happy with the person they are? Everyone is their own worst critic. We will always see things in ourselves that we are unhappy with, things we want to change and even erase from ourselves. It's a long and tough journey to become the person we want to be or realize that we are already pretty fantastic the way we are.

Remember that other people see you much differently than the way you are. I highly doubt I speak for only myself when I say there are a lot of things about you that I use as an example for myself. You've got a lot of great things going for you, tootz. So while you may have a list a mile long of things about you're unhappy with, there is a list a billion times longer of all the things that are fabulous about you.

And as much as that little decision is impacting our lives in some rather unexpected and even unpleasant way at times, we can't take it back. And honestly, I don't know if I'd want to. We are learning so much from the example of being set. About relationships, how to deal with people and ourselves. Granted, it's an example of what not to do. haha. When we look back on this, we'll definitely have some memories and shake out heads about and ABSOLUTELY some memories to laugh about. ;)

Now about this saying goodbye business, I have a couple days off this week so if you need a baking assistant or would like to employ any of my other crafty abilities, you just let me know. ;)


Love you, kid. ;)

Whitney said...

Um correction: Remember that other people see you much differently than the way you SEE YOURSELF.