I've always been insecure in my ability to be good enough (maybe that's just an issue with being the firstborn) but now the life of a baby hinges on my success. No pressure right? =)
I won't lie- I've had my share of teary feedings and fussy nights. And a couple of very weak moments where, if Ryan had checked on us in that moment, I would have handed him the baby and told him to return her... That makes me human right? Not a bad mother.
Life revolves around this precious baby girl. Literally. Eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, running errands, doing anything - all dependent upon her. Which is fine, just hard to get used to. My favorite times of the day are when Zoee and I take over the bed around 7:30 when Ryan heads to work and we sleep and eat until around noon. I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have to do anything - it's just me and my girl.
Last night I pushed aside a huge huge fear and gave Zoee her first 2 oz of formula - it knocked her out and she slept almost 5 hours on my chest. So precious. Tonight the formula didn't knock her out - but at least she isn't fussy because she's still hungry! By the way - worst feeling in the world? When you have a hungry, screaming baby, and your milk just won't cooperate.
I'm just so paranoid that I'll get something wrong and not be able to feed my baby, or that I'll mess her up... It'd be a little more calming if there weren't so many variables - but I guess that's just how life goes and I need to relax and stop worrying. =)
Alright - time for neck strain and sore arms - gonna rock this baby to sleep so that I can rest too before it's time to feed her again.