Thursday, April 29, 2010


One more day left of my first full year of teaching.
I'm not sure where along this journey everything fell apart.
There are a lot of things I can blame for what feels like such a crummy year, but in reality, it was up to me, and my dependency on God, to turn it around.
I forgot to focus on the students and how I could help them succeed.
Instead I focused on my insecurities and how badly students were doing and basically "gave up."

I was just reading someones blog and wanted to leave the following post - but was unsure of the blogger's reaction and unsure of why I wanted to say the words in the first place...
"It makes me so sad when people with talent and ability to share so much with the world have such a twisted view on things. How is it that we get to a point where we think things here on earth are so much better than what we'll have when we get to heaven? (for example, not wanting to die because we're in love) And when we actually recognize that things on earth are bad - where do we get off blaming it on God, when it's actually our sin that is causing all the problems... I wish we'd all do less complaining, and point our energies on making things right."

Maybe those thoughts were just focused on my inability to succeed in everything this year... inability to make everyone fall in love with science... inability to be the expert...
It was a year that left me feeling exposed, unable, weak, and insecure.
I allowed myself to become inwardly focused instead of following my quote of inspiration. I worried over what I was saying because I wanted students to respect me and obey me, at little regard to how it would make them feel - and that's what matters.

I maybe remember 1 sentence out of the billions my teachers spoke, and those were the sentences that reiterated the belief in me that they had. Their time in the classroom wasn't about creating space where they felt comfortable, it was about creating space where I was given the chance to fly...

This is a lesson I won't forget too quickly...

Satan is crafty, but I was willing to listen to his little lies. Unless I keep my eyes focused on my Father, the one who has come to kill and destroy will only gain more victory in my life. With Christ the Conqueror on my side, I'm going to march into the enemy's camp and take back what he has stolen from me.
No more weak and ineffective and self-absorb soldier here. You pressed too many buttons Satan, I'm done sitting back and letting you steal from me and those around me! I'm committed to sharpening my sword and readying for battle, you'd better watch yourself.

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