I stop on the railroad tracks to catch my breath. I look at the Ocean and watch the seemingly raging waves crash angrily on the shore. The wind whips through my hair and the rain slashes across my face. My thoughts are sporadic, words, passing through, as Snow Patrol screams in my ears over the thunder. They are my undoing. So are the conversations with high schoolers. Putting out the fires of 1st graders. Red wine. Sleepless nights. Heroes. Barking dogs.
So I laced up. I've never ran at Potter Marsh. The ice covered ponds look inviting, but some amount of sense still remains.
I set off again, up the hill towards the house. Towards the cuddling kitties, warmth, bubble baths, my Bible for whatever it may be worth and the melodies of Hillsong and Tomlin.
Up the mountain, switchback after switchback. I have to watch my step on the icy curves. Higher and higher, the wind turns the falling rain into swirling snow and I can no longer see much in front of me. I'm lost in the icy snowflakes. The mile point 7 reminds me of high school and I push the thoughts aside as my lungs scream at the inhalation of cold air. The lyrics do nothing to sooth the ache in my heart as images from college invade my mind.
I've made it to the deck and I gaze over the edge to what I know to be the Ocean, but the snow is so thick that I can't see my hand in front of my face. I'm reminded of God. And it seems, that the harder I try, the faster I run, the more I sit and wait . . . You're nowhere to be found.
I know You're what I'm looking for.
I know You're the answer to the ache.
Why won't You answer?
Why won't You come near?
I didn't know tears could freeze.
I wish I could hear Your whisper on the breeze.
Please answer me, please.