Wednesday, May 16, 2007


God’s pretty great in not letting us fall without offering the hand we need to get back up. I’m thankful for that. But I’m struggling with figuring out what to do now that He’s got me back up on my feet. I have done a lot outside since I got home- biking, running, walking; they all lead to thinking, processing, and a few tears. Alaska is really far away from the people that I want to be with right now. And I realize that I’ve been letting that dictate my interactions, state of mind, feelings, thoughts etc. Until today.

The snow has melted.
The trees have little green leaves on them.
Roads are being repaved.
Street lines are being repainted.
Yards are being watered.
The sun is finally turning things green.

Little changes, one thing at a time, almost so slow and small that you miss it, unless you’re looking. I can feel it deep deep inside. It hurts, it makes me a little sick and at the same time I’m a little excited. I finally realize that it’s time.

Time to let go.
Time to admit that I’m scared.
Time to move forward.
Time to face what I’m avoiding.
Time to make the changes I’ve longed for.
Time to make a difference here.
Time to be present in Alaska.
Time to stop being jealous of all of you- there, without me.
Time to start praying more.
Time to stop running from my fears.
Time to let God really call the shots.
Time to become more of the person I was designed to be.

Little changes. One thing at a time. Slowly. Steadily. It’s time.

Be Near.
Because, Lord, it’s hard for me to say no.

1 comment:

me said...

sometimes i feel like the annoying little sister, becuase you've "got it" and i still can't get my shit together, and i keep watching you, hoping i'll figure out how to do it. soon.
you said it toots. really. you said exactly it.

i just have to figure out what to do with it now.