I spread out on the floor and allowed myself one run through of "accidental babies" just to get it out of my system. It was like being on a diet and allowing myself that one small piece of chocolate. Then I put in Hillsong and Jason Upton. No one was home - it was just me and God - so I turned it up really loud - so that it would drown out all my thoughts, all the world's noise, all my feelings, and wash over me.
I closed my eyes and let the tears flow, the ones I've held back for months. The ones for graduation, and packing, and saying goodbye, and moving home, and weddings, and saying goodbye again, and summer camp, and work, and letting go, and shattered hope, and hurt relationships, and silly dreams, and growing roots that feel so right yet so unsure. It didn't change anything but it was good to let them go.
I miss everything about Oregon. The homework, the deadlines, the late nights, the sleepy mornings, the grey rain, the hurt feelings, the laughter, the tears, the music, the friends, the coffee.
But I love everything about Alaska. The icy roads, the frosty trees, the snow covered mountains, my kitty, my family, my big house, the laughter in the house, my new friends - who challenge me and pray for me and are close enough to hold when I'm missing you, the easily-distracted jr.highers, the dance routine to Eye of the Tiger, the Halloween parties, the youth groups, the Bible studies, the early mornings at Kaladis, the late nights at Applebees, the working out 6 days a week, the priority of my relationship with God.
"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His laws he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Ps. 1:2-3
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom.
If you're tired and you are thirsty, there is Freedom.
Freedom reigns in this place.
Showers of Mercy and Grace.
They are falling on every face.
There is Freedom. -Jason Upton