Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sometimes I get a little ahead of the game… I set cruise control and start enjoying to scenery without checking to make sure everyone has gotten on board- or I think to believe me when you tell me we're on the same page. When I take time to slow down and I realize not everyone is where I think they need to be, I start making excuses. I start coming up with reasons behind why you do what you do. I excuse the way you treat me. I tell myself it isn't such a big deal, I tell myself I'm really okay with the way I am being drug along.
Maybe I dream a little more than I should. Maybe I see the best people can be instead of looking at reality. Maybe I hope for the "happily ever after" ending without consulting the characters involved in the story. Maybe I keep trying to settle, without realizing I'm settling for less than the best. Maybe I am hearing something different in what you're saying than you are meaning.
I think it's time to start listening to my advice to my students - to hold on to my dreams, to work hard, to be patient in my mistakes and learn from those, and to not settle for less than the best. So I'm stopping with the excuses. I'm stopping the analyzing and making a reason for the way that you're acting. I know who I am. I know what I'm worth - in theory =). I remember what it is like to be the apple of someone's eye. I'm learning how to hide my heart, so that I'm not deceived anymore - by your words or my false hope. I'm growing, everyday, and it's beautiful and painful and humbling.

He said to me, "Amanda, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me (2 Corinthians 12:9). I will cling to the truth, of who I am, what I deserve, and where I am going, because the truth will set me free (John 8:32).

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