Saturday, February 21, 2009

Sometimes, I have to admit, life just gets a little overwhelming. We've all been there; when there is more to get done than there's time to do it. There are more things to think about and decisions to make than we seem to have the strength for... and maybe not even just strength - but clarity or understanding. 

I was sitting in a session at school yesterday - and the speaker was talking about the "elephant in the room" (aka. the economy and projected lack of teaching positions), when the Lord brought to mind the phrase "for such a time as this." In this point of time where maybe the prospect of a job seems "hopeless", for the hundreds of us who would like to apply for jobs come Spring when hundreds who currently have jobs will be "let go" because there is "no more money", a sense of peace and new understanding washed over me. 

The phrase "for such a time as this" comes from the story of Esther, you should read it, or re-read it, it's phenomenal. So, as I was sitting and listening to the keynote speaker, I was struck with new realization - this place that I am at, this "crossroads" if you will, I'm here, for such a time as this. 
Every event; the joy, the heartache, the confusion, the clarity, the steps forward, the steps backward - everything- has shaped and molded me, and made me into the person I am today - for such a time as this. The immensity of this new understanding, even in my mere human mind, brings tears to my eyes. 
God has orchestrated events, monitored my steps, to bring me to this place; place where I'm still uncertain, place of possibility, place of fear, place of renewed trust, place of hope. 

I've chosen good roads, I've chosen bad roads, I've chosen easy roads, and I've chosen hard roads.  I haven't always understood why I've made the choices I've made; sometimes they were pre-meditated, sometimes they were by default, sometimes just by a whim.  My heart has been broken - by good and bad situations. My heart has had it's shares of hellos and goodbyes. And all those events were to bring me to the place I am right now - and the journey isn't even over!
This brief clarity - though you may not understand it - is a gift to me. A reminder that God sees what is going on in my life, He's journeying with me, and He knows where this course is heading. There are many things that I have wished for along the way, and have even tried with all my might and human understanding to make happen - but God, in His sovereignty, knew that I needed to be here, in this moment, alone, without ties, so that I would be ready to make the big leap of faith He has planned for me.  
It's almost time to spread my wings and fly - and because of the course God has directed and that I've maybe stubbornly followed =), I can soar with no strings attached. I still don't know where the wind will blow, but there is nothing holding me back or anchoring me down. 

I'm still holding onto my dreams. I'm sill holding on to the Father's hand. And I think that maybe, He's reminding me again, that; He. is. simply. all. i. need. 

1 comment:

Colee Bres said...

Manda -

I stumbled across your blog accidentally when I was thinking about how wrong it is to be working during Mardi Gras Break. :) You have an amazing way with words and I know God has something amazing in store for you. Stay strong. Keep the faith. My prayers are with you.

- Nicole