Sunday, February 25, 2007

Dancing with Daddy

My dad has a pair of, now, well-worn cowboy boots. I remember when I was little standing on them and walking with him. I don’t remember us ever dancing- I’m pretty sure that is just an image from movies and television that has been ingrained in my head.

The apartment was quiet and I needed a break from Russia and Lenin and starving peasants and NEP. So I turned on iTunes and danced with my Daddy. Nothing changed, but we spent a few minutes together- and that’s all that matter right?

I thought last Sunday’s church service was a waste of time. Oops- God spent all week reminding me that it wasn’t. The basic message, and I think it was only in the last 10 minutes, was a question to us; what are you when all you think you are, is stripped away? When what defines you is no longer there, when all that remains is you and God- who are you?

The key really, is that when everything else is gone- God is still there. That is why it is so important to not let the things of the world define who we are- instead it must be God. We are part of a bigger and better story than the one the world is trying to get us to buy into.

I’m not fully sure what it means to be defined by God. I know the gist of what He thinks of me, how He feels about me- etc, but it takes a while to truly believe. But I do know this- I’m a paradox- aren’t we all though?

I teach but I learn.
I doubt but I believe.
I run and I fall down.
I am honest but I wear a mask.
I love and I hate.
I hold on and I let go.
I seek truth and I tell lies.
I am alive but I am motionless.
I am strong yet I am weak.
I have hope but I hang on to discouragement.
I have encountered grace but still try to do it my own way.
I try to heal but I also hurt.

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