Monday, March 26, 2007

UNEXPECTED



Harry Connick Jr. is jammin' on the television.
I can hear the cars cruising by in the rain.
I decided today that I was going to spend time with God. Just me and Him since we haven't done that intentionally in a while.

Maybe it's habit to feel the need to be with You, but none-the-less I feel like Break would be a waste if I don't at least try!

So usually I would put off homework to have quiet time- you know, that's a reasonable excuse! But I decided not to do that today, so I did homework and then laid on floor for an hour with worship music playing and my Bible and a couple other devotional books on the floor.

I thought about what it means to be in relationship- can those "principles" be applied to God? I decided to try- so I just started talking. A little awkward at first since there was no one in the apartment. Cool, I just talked to myself for an hour... You there Abba?

I grabbed a book called "Enjoy the Silence" it's about listening to God...

"Matthew 15:22-28 ... There's a remarkable sentence in this passage: "Jesus did not answer a word" (Verse 23). There's no silence so deep as the silence of God. Have you ever been there? Have you ever experienced that depth of silence? Has there ever been a time in your life when you've brought a need or desire before God and you heard ... nothing. No words of comfort. No reassuring answer. No miraculous intervention. Just silence. Think about such a time. As you recall it, how are you feeling? What is your sense of God in that place of silence. [pause to journal]"

Before I get back to the book... I'd like to interject some of my journal entry...

"The silence of God has been a topic of discussion for a number of reasons over probably the last month- those reasons are unimportant right now. This time last year I was walking through the darkest valley I have yet faced ... the changing point came as I sat on the edge of a dock at camp- ready to slip into the water and let it all be over ... I had left the chapel service because I couldn't handle it anymore- God was there, He was moving, speaking, healing, He was everywhere but touching me ... I'm not sure what kept me from slipping into the water that evening, I don't think the decision was conscious- but I decided to keep going through the motions. Because I believed that if God was really who He claimed to be, then He would be faithful to answer ..."

"How does God's silence affect your prayerful requests to Him? Do you just turn your back and choose not to ask again? Do you hear the voices of the disciples saying, "Send her away"? Do you feel rejected, unheard, unwanted, unloved, betrayed? Do you feel as though maybe it's better to walk away from the whole thing? After all, surrender doesn't hurt as much as outright rejection. Before you answer, look at what the woman in the story did. She didn't walk away. She didn't surrender to despair and cynicism. Instead she kept crying out after Jesus and His disciples. You'll see that, after the silence, Jesus answered the woman. And in some ways Jesus' first words to the woman may have felt even worse than His silence. But the woman was persistent, not because of who she was, but because of who He was. Then Jesus spoke again. And this time, after the silence, it was with a volume echoing all the way back to the sickbed of the little girl. We may not always understand those times when it feels as though God is silent. But consider this possibility: in those moments when there is no word, perhaps God is reminding us that, even more than He wants to meet our needs, He wants us to understand our own need to meet Him, to fall before Him, and to trust Him.

Don't hide from the silence of God.
Sit with it.
Ponder it.
Challenge it.
Question it.
But whatever you do, don't mistake it for a lack of compassion or a lack of hearing."

3 comments:

ryanmortinson said...

thank you. i have nothing clever to say. :)

Anonymous said...

Today was a good day, obviously. That is a lot to accomplish.
Much truth. Life is a constant search. And the sounds of silence can say so much.

Have another one tomorrow. =)

T <><

me said...

thanks roommate.
i'm not giving up yet...the yelling is just getting a little tired.
love you.