Thursday, April 12, 2007

I'd really like to share everything that is floating around in my head - but oddly enough it isn't exactly thoughts, most definitely not words - only a huge pool of emotions - and sometimes those just can't be put into words. At least not right now.

10:02 am - My heart is about to explode. Something is clutching it, squeezing it, twisting it- like a balloon that you are trying to pop. I remember the first weekend of this semester so clearly; Heidi, Julie, Therese and I were having a girls night. We ate Mac N Cheese, Little Smokies and drank milk. We caught up on life. We surfed facebook, decided on a movie instead of dancing, had a drink and drooled over 007. And on the drive back we made all these big plans- road trip to Montana for snow boarding, visiting the Meador Cabin, going out dancing. And now the last week of classes is upon us.

1:18 am - I just caught another glimpse of my roommate's heart. I don't think I've ever not understood it- but I totally felt it tonight. It rocked my world. Actually my whole night was rocked- in a way that has left me wasted, ruined, and empty. And I wouldn’t say it’s bad . . . just too much. Too much music. Too much silence. Too much unsolved. Too much dead-ending. Too much life. Too much death. Too much wondering. Too many unanswered questions. Too many unsaid words. Too many silent minutes. Too many unknowns.

1:25 am - I think it's time to call it quits for the night . . . sleep will make things better, well, it'll just make them different in the morning.


ryanmortinson said...

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

blessings on you.

kitten said...

every time i read one of your blogs, i just wish i was with you every second of the day.

you are amazing. period.