Thursday, April 12, 2007

I'd really like to share everything that is floating around in my head - but oddly enough it isn't exactly thoughts, most definitely not words - only a huge pool of emotions - and sometimes those just can't be put into words. At least not right now.

10:02 am - My heart is about to explode. Something is clutching it, squeezing it, twisting it- like a balloon that you are trying to pop. I remember the first weekend of this semester so clearly; Heidi, Julie, Therese and I were having a girls night. We ate Mac N Cheese, Little Smokies and drank milk. We caught up on life. We surfed facebook, decided on a movie instead of dancing, had a drink and drooled over 007. And on the drive back we made all these big plans- road trip to Montana for snow boarding, visiting the Meador Cabin, going out dancing. And now the last week of classes is upon us.

1:18 am - I just caught another glimpse of my roommate's heart. I don't think I've ever not understood it- but I totally felt it tonight. It rocked my world. Actually my whole night was rocked- in a way that has left me wasted, ruined, and empty. And I wouldn’t say it’s bad . . . just too much. Too much music. Too much silence. Too much unsolved. Too much dead-ending. Too much life. Too much death. Too much wondering. Too many unanswered questions. Too many unsaid words. Too many silent minutes. Too many unknowns.

1:25 am - I think it's time to call it quits for the night . . . sleep will make things better, well, it'll just make them different in the morning.

2 comments:

ryanmortinson said...

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

blessings on you.

kitten said...

every time i read one of your blogs, i just wish i was with you every second of the day.

you are amazing. period.