Monday, January 07, 2008

I wish someone were close enough to share these moments with me. When the music moves me to tears. When the words I read move me to my knees. When I wake up alone from a nightmare. When I can’t stop laughing. Things are fine, but there are moments now and then that I desperately wish I could share with you. In saying that, I fear I’m telling God He is not enough.

I’ve been told I need to pray about what I’m going to do next. But I’m too terrified. What-ifs cloud my mind and I quickly find something else to occupy my time.
What-if God tells me to stay here. I mean, I love it, love the family, love the ministry.
I know things will be different. We have all faced things and grown and changed while apart. We won’t live 5 minutes across the campus, we won’t bump into each other in the Bon. But, we’ll be close. That's what I need. I miss you.

“To open yourself to another person, to stop lying about your loneliness and your fears, to be honest about your affections, and to tell others how much they mean to you – this openness is the triumph of the child over the Pharisee and a sign of the dynamic presence of the Holy Spirit. ‘Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom’ (2 Corinthians 3:17).” –Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child

1 comment:

alicat said...

i wish i were close enough. i miss you too.

thanks for all your encouragement. even though all of canada may lie between us, you are such a blessing to me.

what-ifs often crowd my mind too. that all too familiar panicky feeling that God might have something else in mind. read isaiah 26:3-4. these verses have really helped me the past month or so.