Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Many more are embarrassed to share success than failure, more afraid to reveal joy than tribulation. Ashamed to feel even moments of joy when there is so much suffering around them, afraid to stir jealousy in even those who love them most, adolescents protect their joy as a well-kept secret. Only when trust grows deep so students share their joy easily as they share their pain. 'We can't identify with either extreme because we've been taught to be the same. We edit our emotions so that no one gets offended. We lose truth. We lose feelings. We lose who we are.' -Rachael Kessler

I'm learning to take this journey one day at a time.
I've come to realize that if I look too far ahead I just freak myself out.
I wish I weren't so afraid to share how excited I am about life right now.
I wish it weren't so weird to love the classroom so much.
I wish I wasn't so comfortable in this moment, with who I am and where I'm at. But one day we'll understand and appreciate the beauty of the pain in the trials we face.
We just remember one day at a time.

Sometimes it hits me all at once, unexpectedly, overwhelmingly.
Not like a sneaky-wave while you're walking on a beach.
But completely out of the blue, completely. Because the thoughts and wonderings slip in when I'm least expecting them. In the middle of analyzing the activity we just participated in, my heart constricted with thoughts of spending the rest of my life with someone. And I got lost in the thoughts - in the confusion of why right now, in this moment? And I realized that maybe I'm not ready to face the rest of my life alone, but I'm ready to face today. And I'm going to live it to the fullest, not waste a minute. And instead of rolling my eyes when someone asks if I'm dating, I can smile and say no, and be ok with that! And I can share in the joy of the couples dancing in the magical music, I can share in the beauty of the man kissing his new bride. I can be truly happy for the expression of love and goodness in a world that doesn't see it enough. And I can accept that some are farther ahead and some are behind me on this journey, and that's just where we're at. And the beauty of our shared experience and life is what truly makes this adventure worth it.

This is my cohort. These are the people who are stretching my understanding and challenging my thought processes. They remind me to take it one day at a time and see the beauty in everything around me.

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