Friday, October 01, 2010

It's only day 3 and I'm already going crazy.

I've been resisting the urge to get my fall decorations out and make up the house - now that October 1st has finally arrived it just sounds like too much work and I don't even want to get out of bed.

I don't know what to say to Ryan when he calls - and I think I just end up sounding bored or angry.

We decided that we'd read a Psalm a day while Ryan's away - and I'm having a bad attitude. What in the Psalms are going to speak to us? What in the Psalms is going to wake up the sleeper? Why can't we read Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, or Colossians? Something with substance?

This is my favorite time of year and all I can do is complain. And I wonder how I'm supposed to enjoy all these holidays and enjoy being pregnant when he's gone? For so long I did so well on my own, and then I fell in love and opened up parts of my heart that I had closed off for so long - and now I'm feeling alone again, and it's darker and harder than I remember it being.

I just glanced through status updates on Facebook - Thought someone today may need a reminder that God has not left you, and will see you through the trial you are in, He will give you cause to rejoice over the outcome in the end! Thank you Heather, for being God's voice to me today!

And this is what Ally has to say from wherever she is on this 50 state road trip: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” -CS Lewis, The Four Loves

OK - it is time for pumpkins and fall leaves, maybe I'll even get my brother to help me make a batch of sugar cookies before our afternoon adventures are over - wait, I have no cookie trays... oh but yes, this dough needs refrigerator time! Brilliant...

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