Thursday, March 29, 2007

I laid in my bed last night- for the first time in a week. I left the window shade open because I could see the moon and I really wanted to wake up to the sunshine. And I decided that since my roommate wasn’t there I’d talk to God again.

And so there we were. I tried to say everything that I can’t say to you. I tried to explain everything that doesn’t make sense to me. I tried to get it all out but more and more just kept coming so I stopped. And I closed my eyes.

Complicated.
Conflicting.
Confusion.

It isn’t that I want life to be easy. But I wonder if a little clarity would be helpful (wait didn’t Mother Theresa say something about that…) And what does Paul mean when he says “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”?

There are always two sides.

Good and Bad.
Right and Wrong.
Up and Down.
Yes and No.
Go and Stay.

“Rejoice (feel or show great joy or delight) in the Lord always (at all times; on all occasions) . . . Do not be anxious (experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome) about anything, but in everything, by prayer (a solemn request for help or an expression of thanks) and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace (freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility) of God, which transcends (be or go beyond the range or limits of) all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 4-7

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy (a feeling of great pleasure and happiness) and peace as you trust (a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something) in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I’m still confused.
I’m still torn.
I’m still very unsure.
But we always make it right?

We just keep truckin.
We just keep enjoying the random moments.
We just keep being honest.

1 comment:

kitten said...

can we be friends forever? i love your smile, your heart, your struggles, and your pain. you are beautiful!